Shit’s got real, its time to open up.
Its so daunting to think people can read this, even worse – family and friends can read this. The people who you always ask how they are waiting for them to say “fine thanks, you?” like its a automated inbuilt response we all have as if we all simultaneously had our Apple iOS update in the middle of 2002. God forbid should your response stray from the norm, so like the good little sheep I am I too reply with “Im Good”. If you don’t know I’m having a baby, a lush little baby boy, due in June this year. Now id be talking out me arse if I said I’m head over heels and besides myself to be a mother. Don’t get me wrong, after being told it would be an unlikely event for myself to conceive it is a bloody miracle and i truly am thankful for the gift of life thats inside of me. BUT, there is that little voice at the back of my head thats saying “is the baby going to be disappointed or embarrassed that its mammy only has one full hand… is the baby going to be mad at me when they ask me to go rock climbing or go on a bike ride and ill have to explain that mammy cant… will the baby when he’s older get picked on because his mammy is different to everyone else’s mammy?” Its so easy to get locked into this organic grey mindset where everything is a bit shit and tainted, I have days like this and Im damn sure ill continue to have days like this. However, I also have days where I think our baby will be so mindful of the difficulties and the struggles thats its mammy face’s that he will always be kind and considerate of others. I hope our baby will grow up to be just like his daddy who has the compassion and love to look past the imperfections of people and love them for who they are and stand up for those people who at times aren’t strong enough to for what ever reason. Anyways my point is there is always a silver lining, and Im quick to point them out to myself but this does not detract or belittle the feelings I have whilst having a down day its accepting that sometimes I will have a pity party and wallow with my hair on top of my head looking very chav-esque but its also fine to say fuck it, this is me and Im going to boss all you two handed mothers out there!